I grew up knowing about God, but never knowing Him. The flannel-graph Jesus I met in Sunday School seemed like a nice character in the stories I heard about him.
But I didn’t know Him.
I received my 3rd grade Bible, sat in church on Sundays, went on youth group trips, memorized the catechism, stood in front of the church in a white robe and was “confirmed”. I guess that means I knew all about Him.
But I didn’t know Him.
Here’s the thing. I didn’t know that living a life of faith was so much more than memorizing creeds or following rules. I didn’t know what I didn’t know.
It wasn’t until I was pregnant with my second child that things changed. It was the summer of 1999 and I was having weird pains in my head. It weighed heavily on me – not because the pain was all that bad – but because my dad died of brain cancer two weeks after I graduated from high school. The physical pain in my head triggered the fear in my heart.
In my last post I mentioned we signed up for our church family camp. I don’t remember anything about that weekend except this:
I was standing in our room looking in the mirror at my pregnant belly and worrying about the pain in my head. So I told God, “If you let me live, I’ll live for You.” And I meant it.
Suddenly, I was hungry. Not for physical food. I was hungry to know this Jesus. Not the powerless flannel-graph character, but the real living person – the One who bought and paid for me. So I could live. My short little prayer opened the floodgates of heaven and I couldn’t get enough.
What did this hunger look like?
It looked like getting up early – before my kids were awake – to read my Bible – and actually start to understand it.
It looked like talking with God and getting to know Him.
It looked like journaling because I didn’t want to miss a word He said.
It looked like standing in awe as I began to see a much bigger story that God has been weaving throughout time. And realizing I’m part of it.
It looked like starting to see the world in a very different way. Noticing the little things. And the big things. Like how He placed our planet exactly the right distance from the sun (too close we fry; too far we freeze). Or the complexity of the human body! That alone can blow your mind – or a single cell for that matter.
It looked like being drawn into worshipping our great and glorious God by observing the world He created!
The longer I live…
the more I know for sure that God created me (and you, by the way) on purpose and for a purpose. We get tossed around living this earthly life, but God uses all of it to help us become fully who He designed us to be.
the more questions I have…but I do know this…God wants the best for you and I. He’s our biggest cheerleader (just like you are for your kids). He’s getting us ready for eternity!
the more I love to ponder life with people. It’s even better with hot tea and dark chocolate.
It just hit me that this summer I’m celebrating my 20th anniversary of a completely different way of doing life – and you know what – I wouldn’t want it any other way.
I’d love to hear your faith story or questions so leave a comment or send me a message!